Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
