a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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