but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
