so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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