I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
