He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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