there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I look better un-naked...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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