Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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