its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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