please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
