Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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