The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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