I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
