so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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