I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
