Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
