so that wasnt chicken after all
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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