I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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