She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
