oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think your dad took our porno
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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