I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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