He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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