i don't like sucking hair
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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