i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
