I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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