3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
