she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
