Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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