So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
