I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
