I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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