Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
