yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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