I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
