I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
And then he peed in my hair
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