Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
