we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
