someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
