I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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