last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
