she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
