So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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