last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
