The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
