So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
