All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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