I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
