I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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