please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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