We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
