maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina just clenched in fear
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
