What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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