I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
