Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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